you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
