I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
