So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
