so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
