It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
