So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize