I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
