im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
