Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
