i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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