Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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