I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
