Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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