i just wanna soil my oats bro
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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