So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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