Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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