At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
