i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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