I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
