im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
