Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Randomize
