ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
