It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
