I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize