best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
