we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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