wrigley field is MILF paradise
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
