Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
