Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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