I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
