This dress was meant to end up on your floor
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
