You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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