He disabled his match.com account in front of me
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize