She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
