yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
