I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
