i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
