I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
