Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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