11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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