Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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