why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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