dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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