On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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