I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize