spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
