the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize