What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Success! We fucked roommates!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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