He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
