he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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