all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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