tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
