She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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