i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
