oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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