I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
send nudes
from the living room?
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