love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
