the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
