He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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