DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
