I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
