I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
