Just cropdusted the office
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
