hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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