Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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