i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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