You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
