I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
