I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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