I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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