He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
