allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
