you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize