rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
