Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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