If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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