I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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