Please don't use social media to get back at me.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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