It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
