you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
