I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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