someone threw a dead crab at me
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
