you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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