The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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