Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
